Here’s another weird pop culture artifact. DeathSpank is a teen-rated video game described as “a hilarious adventure full of violence, sorcery and light opera!”

(Is that a sword embroidered on your purple codpiece, or are you just happy to see us?)

There’s no mention of adult spanking activities on the game’s website, but perhaps those will be incorporated in the upcoming sequel entitled DeathSpank: Thongs of Virtue. (I kid you not.)

Here’s a juicy anecdote that didn’t appear in the published article. It involves Miss Chris’s days as a Catholic schoolgirl and her male Phys-Ed teacher who liked to brandish a fraternity paddle in class.

Memories of the Coach’s Paddle:

One day the coach lined us up in the auditorium and was inspecting our uniforms, walking up and down the rows of students. Being very tall, I was always at the back of the line.

I must have had this grin on my face when he finally got to me, because he stopped and said, “Why are you smiling? Do you think this is entertaining? Is the prospect of getting this paddle funny to you?”

I was stunned speechless. First of all, I didn’t know I was grinning! I was also horrified at the thought at being paddled.

I never did get paddled in school, but I listened very closely when the other students were paddled. The coach would take them by the ear or the upper arm and lead them to the back of the auditorium where his office was. We couldn’t see what was going on back there, but we could hear it.

We would hear some muffled voices at first, and I could tell the coach was scolding in a very low, calm voice. Then we would hear sort of a higher-pitched pleading and begging coming from the naughty student and then suddenly it was quiet – and then we heard the paddle hitting the bottom!

Usually it was over the uniform, plus the athletic tape wound around the paddle muffled the sound. But we would hear three or four big whacks and then usually the student would start to cry and eventually the coach would lead the sobbing, contrite student out of the office and put him back in the ranks. The student would be sniffling, smearing away tears and rubbing his backside.

And I didn’t understand why it was so stimulating! – Miss Chris

Here are a few excerpts (below) from the album jacket text of National Lampoon’s 1978 comedy LP entitled Sex, Drugs, Rock ‘n’ Roll and the End of the World.

I believe this was my first exposure to the term “bad girl brush,” which certainly piqued my spanko module back in high school, especially when coupled with album’s provocative PG-rated cover.

Unfortunately, there are no spanking references on the record itself, just short skits with titles like My Bod Is for God, Sushi Riot and Mr. Reagan’s Neighborhood.

Too bad. An audio track of the cover model getting spanked would have been fetish gold.

About the Album:

“My name is Dawn. I’m the girl on the cover. When I met the National Lampoon producers at a party a few months ago, they said they could definitely use me on their next record, and I was really excited about it until I found out that what they actually wanted me for was to pose nude…

“…as far as I’m concerned the producers are nothing but a bunch of immature children, except for Mike Griffin, who I’m living with until my check from National Lampoon finally clears…

“Well, I have to go now. Mike likes his dinner ready when he gets home from the office, and I’d better make sure it is, or else it’ll be the bad girl brush for me.”

Dedication is an exceptional attribute. I’ve always respected people who excelled at their jobs, whether they were waiting tables, working leather or resetting my dislocated joints in the emergency room.

So even though I’ve never met her – outside of her approving my MySpace friend request years ago — I hold professional disciplinarian and spanking video star Cassie Hunter in very high regard.

Ms. Hunter is certainly a poised and beautiful young woman, but her videos demonstrate that she’s also extremely proficient with the strap, hairbrush and cane. Plus she can accurately administer running strokes – something almost nobody else does.

Cassie recently launched a new website entitled Captured by the Huntress. As you might expect, the photography is spectacular. It’s definitely worth a visit if you enjoy fine fetish imagery and the disciplinary work of this fierce and elegant lady.

For the sake of posterity and historical perspective, here’s some pre-Internet spanking nostalgia for you. (Click on the thumbnails to see larger images.)

The time was the glorious 1980s, when my computer was a Commodore 64, the compact disc was the cutting-edge media format challenging the vinyl LP record, and the country’s biggest fear was the threat of thermonuclear war with the mighty Soviet Union.

Out in California, a pioneering spanking content company named Nu-West/Leda was producing gritty, realistic spanking videos and publications, including a series of adult comics “for the connoisseur of corporal punishment and home discipline.”

The Nu-West Comics were primarily 16-page, black-and-white publications with cardstock covers, and many featured illustrations from talented spanking artist Stephanie Burke, whose work has always seemed particularly authentic to me.

Back before the days of free blogging and Internet image searches, these comics were quite unique. A CP enthusiast might find the occasional adult spanking drawing in a book or magazine, but complete illustrated stories were a rarity.

I asked Ed Lee over at Nu-West/Leda if I could post a few of these old comic covers for you. Here are a couple of historical factoids he shared with me:

“Some of the comics have stories behind them and some don’t. The House in Virginia was based on a real situation except the real house was in Michigan. Many of the comics were drawn by an artist who did a lot of work for Marvel.”

I believe that some of these publications may still be available for purchase on the Nu-West/Leda website, in case you’d like a piece of classic spanking memorabilia for your personal collection.

Photo by Andrew O'Hara

Last month I posted the short film Love Me Like You Hate Me, directed by Swedish filmmaker Erika Lust and staring fetish model Venus O’Hara in seven different kinky roles – including strict teacher with a ruler and a lazy student in French class.  

As luck would have it, the website Spanking Starlets has just published an original interview with Venus that showcases some of her fun fetish photography and presents her juicy insights on spanking, modeling and BDSM play.  

It’s not your typical spanking interview, but I think you’ll enjoy it. Venus has both a way with words and an extremely spankable bottom. (And she likes to play the schoolgirl.)  

What is a little unexpected is how remarkably tasteful, artistic and sexy the product photos are. They’re sort of a mash-up of fetish porn, fine art and commercial photography. Like what you might get if Helmut Newton seized total artistic control over the old Sears Roebuck catalog.

I will say, even with the wonders of Photoshop, the Stockroom models must pretty comfortable in their tanned and flawless skins to accept this gig. I can just imagine the job description:

“The wardrobe consists of a spanking paddle and a pair of high heels. Some hair pulling may be involved. You don’t mind working with women, do you?”

Now if they’d just post some instructional product video to go along with the still photography.

Announcer: Electra will now demonstrate the effectiveness of The Stockroom’s 18″ Black Paddle, available with or without holes. Look how it makes poor little Katie jump…

Ava Garter’s Spanking Adventure from Mark Mori on Vimeo.

Burlesque artist Ava Garter gets the spanking machine experience at the opening of the Bettie Page: Heaven Bound art exhibit last spring at the World of Wonder Gallery in Hollywood, Calif. This video clip was filmed by the crew of the upcoming documentary Bettie Page Reveals All, directed and produced by Academy Award nominee Mark Mori.

I’m not sure if spanking play can be considered a mystical, Tantric sex experience, though it has been known to extract the occasional “Oh God,” from some participants.

Most spanking aficionados (myself included) aren’t quite liberated enough to have a permanent CP bench parked in the living room, but they might get away with The Tantra Chair from Zen By Design, which could easily pass for a funky, modern chaise lounge in a stylish urban loft.

The manufacturer says its creation is “designed to enhance the advanced sexual positions of the Kama Sutra” and is “revolutionizing the lovemaking experience for forward-thinking couples around the world.”

Well we spankos are notoriously forward thinking. Or is that backward thinking? Anyway, we’re definitely open minded about perverting furniture, household grooming items or even cooking utensils to our own nefarious ends — especially if said items won’t spook the relatives.

Which brings me back to the whole double secret aspect of The Tantra Chair: It’s a Karma Sutra platform, disguised as a lounger, which can be secretly used as a spanking bench. That’s at least two layers of helpful subterfuge.

If any of your friends press you about the new chaise, you can simply admit that “Yes, it’s actually a sex chair.” At which point they won’t want to sit on it any more, but they may think you’re kind of hip in the socially-acceptable, wild-vanilla-sex sort of way.

For more information on what seems to be a very high-quality and well-reviewed product, visit The Tantra Chair’s Website. While you’re there, you might also enjoy the soft-core demonstration photos and videos featuring attractive, naked, bendy people. (No spanking, but quite educational anyway.)

And finally, thanks to the kind folks at Zen By Design for providing me with promotional photos of their product. I was upfront about using the shots on a spanking site and ZBD was very cool about that. So good on them.

As the old saying goes, “Do whatever makes you happy. Just don’t do it outside where you might scare the horses.”

If the playroom was on fire or the morality police where breaking down the door, and I could only save one implement from my ridiculous collection before scooting out the window like a thieving raccoon, it would have to be the beloved Canadian Prison Strap from Ian, the London Tanner. (Not to be confused with the Arkansas Prison Strap from the same artisan.)

At 25” x 3”, the heavy CPS is the nuclear option when used at full swing, but it’s also stiff enough that you can flick the end like a gigantic leather slapper for (reasonably) light play. It’s also an uncommon and beautiful piece of workmanship, making it the implement I vote most likely to be stolen from my suitcase or hotel suite. A status compounded by the fact that the CPS is too long to fit in my 22” black-nylon Craftsman tool bag, so it has to be packed separately from all my other spanking toys.

Realizing that special orders can be an enormous pain in the ass, I politely asked my friend Ian if he would make a shorter, travelling version of the Prison Strap for me — something that fell in between the CPS and his excellent Domestic Discipline Strap. And realizing that I was asking a favor, I told him, “Just take your time. Wait until the right piece of leather comes in and fit it into your schedule when you can.”

The new hybrid strap that Ian made (center) is just slightly longer than the Domestic Discipline strap, with the look and blade width of the original Canadian Prison Strap. It fits right in the toy bag and performs almost exactly like its larger cousin in most applications. Perfect for the spankophile on the go!

Now you may have heard that the London Tanners closed its North American workshop not long ago, but I have it on good authority that Ian’s European operation will soon be up and running – perhaps even offering some new creations for keeping adult bottoms in line. Which is a good thing, because a person’s spanking hand can only take so much abuse…